The Hidden Strength of Montana's Caregivers

Originally published in The Missoulian

By Dara Parker
2025 Montana Dole Caregiver Fellow

When I traveled from Ronan to Washington, DC, for the Elizabeth Dole Foundation’s Heroes & History Makers celebration, I wasn’t just representing Montana—I was representing the millions of Americans whose lives quietly revolve around caring for a wounded, ill, or injured veteran. Sitting on that stage in a conversation with Savannah Guthrie, the Co-Host of TODAY and Chief National Hidden Heroes Ambassador, I felt something I think many caregivers rarely feel: truly seen. Caregiving doesn’t begin with a title. It begins with a moment that changes the direction of your life.

Before I became a caregiver to my husband, Tomy, my life felt full and steady in all the familiar ways. I was a single mom moving through the beautiful chaos of practices, concerts, homework, and everyday routines. Professionally, I served as the Executive Director of our local Council on Aging, working to ensure seniors and their caregivers had reliable public transportation, homemaking and respite support, educational opportunities, and nutritious meals. My world was busy, meaningful, and predictable in the best ways—and I had no idea it was about to be reshaped by love, trauma, and responsibility in ways I never could have prepared for.

Caregiving didn’t arrive gently. It came like a tidal wave.

My husband Tomy is a post-9/11 Marine Corps veteran with injuries and conditions including limb loss, PTSD, TBI, mobility limitations, and the lingering effects of substance use disorder and suicidal ideation. Supporting him meant stepping into a level of caregiving that reaches into every corner of daily life. Caregiving is never just about managing symptoms—it’s about supporting someone you love through their hardest moments while trying not to lose yourself in the process. It’s waking up at 2 a.m. because something feels off. It’s rearranging schedules, expectations, and sometimes dreams. Becoming his caregiver reshaped every part of my life—my priorities, my schedule, my sense of control, and even my understanding of strength. I eventually stepped away from my job, and together we created a business that allows us to manage our time, finances, and energy in a way that better supports our family. Caregiving isn’t something you clock into; it follows you into every room, every decision, and every late-night moment when uncertainty settles in and you’re the one who has to steady the ground beneath you.

One of the truths I wish every caregiver could hear—especially those who don’t yet call themselves caregivers—is this: you don’t have to be everything every day. Some days, surviving is enough. Asking for help is strength, not failure. Build your team, even if your “team” starts as one friend, one neighbor, or one sibling willing to show up. There’s no perfect version of caregiving. There’s only the one that gets your family through.

Becoming a Dole Caregiver Fellow showed me how powerful it is to have a community that understands this life. Through the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, I found people who didn’t need me to explain the exhaustion, the fear, or the resilience that caregivers carry. The Foundation connects caregivers to resources we often don’t know exist—mental health support, financial guidance, youth programming, peer networks, and practical tools that lighten the daily load. EDF made me feel less alone, more prepared, and more confident advocating for our family.

Here in Montana, I know there are so many caregivers whose stories are still hidden. Spouses holding everything together behind closed doors. Parents caring for their adult children. Siblings quietly stepping in. Neighbors who show up daily without ever labeling what they do. My hope is that they see themselves in my story and realize they don’t have to shoulder everything alone. Help exists. Community exists. And the Elizabeth Dole Foundation is ready to walk alongside families like ours.

When caregivers are strengthened, veterans thrive, families stabilize, and entire communities grow stronger. That’s the power of bringing these hidden heroes into the light.

Note to editor: Dara Parker is from Ronan and is a caregiver for her husband, Tomy, a post-9/11 Marine Corps veteran.