How did your life change when you became a caregiver?

Life as a caregiver began after the unexpected passing of my mother-in-law, which was incredibly heartbreaking for our family, but also incredibly chaotic as Pat was Jim’s caregiver for decades. No one in the family imagined this scenario. My father-in-law, Jim, came to rely on me as both a fellow service member and male decision guider. I was attending law school through Texas A & M during this period, and I needed to shelve those plans to be available to Jim and his many medical appointments.

What have you learned about yourself through your role as a caregiver?

Patience! When I was a military man, then a corporate executive, the expectation was that when I asked for something, it got done. As a caregiver, my role with my veteran is more nuanced. It might take several conversations to get to a consensus with him. My wife and I often know the right answer, but getting my veteran’s buy-in can be a challenge.

How do you maintain your own well-being?

I love to play Pickleball, especially with my wife. It connects us, introduces humor to our lives and has brought us closer. We are a family of NFL fans (Bears and Packers, oh my!) and in the Fall it is a primary source of cheerleading. My wife and I enjoy travelling together. Once our daughter, now 17 years old, goes to college, we hope to travel more.

What advice would you give to other military and veteran caregivers?

Develop your network. Find a viable and reliable Veteran Service Organization. Get to know your local Vet Centers. Learn about VA regulations. Even reading the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR) can help you to decipher benefits and services available to veterans.